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December
Hello,
Marlow here again.
Firstly, thanks to the Three Ponces for removing the chains and
taking me out for a walk today.
The sack over my head somewhat spoilt the view but wherever they
took me smelled fucking lovely compared to this shit hole. By the
way, they say if everyone thinks it’s funny this month, they
will slacken the chains a bit and Dean is going
to bring his old black and white portable in for me.
Meanwhile, keep in touch with yourselves and don’t forget to
shout my name at the Ponces' gigs. With that back to the story.
Dine
on Honeydew...
Some of my best memories are of the early days, I remember in 77
we were down at Rockfield Studios in Wales recording ’A
Farewell to Kings’ we had rented a cottage in the
sleepy Welsh village of Llanphuqpigg. Fuck me we thought we had
died and gone to heaven, fridge full of beer, cupboards full of
videos of extremely dubious content and Neils’
seemingly endless supply of anything narcotic. The best thing
though was the banter between the lads, here’s how a typical
conversation over breakfast would go.
ALEX -
“These new Special K with the strawberry bits are really
nice Geddy, and it says on the telly that you can like eat them
forever and still not put any weight on or anything.”
NEIL - “MAMA, JUST KILLED A MAN. PUT A GUN AGAINST HIS HEAD,
PULLED MY TRIGGER NOW HE'S DEAD.”
ALEX - “Geddy, Neil's doing covers, tell him.”
GEDDY - “Stop it twat, you’re freaking the boy out!
Right, I’m off down to Costcutter to get some fags and a
paper.”
ALEX - “It’s We Love Telly free inside the Mirror
today, Geddy, and I think we need some bread as well.”
GEDDY (in full high pitched concert mode) -
“Ooh there’s no bread!!”
ALEX - “Ha ha ha, you’re a right laugh you Geddy.”
GEDDY - “Are you two coming?”
ALEX - “I will! Can I pay at the counter and keep the change
for a Milky Way if there is enough?”
NEIL - “OUR FIRST STOP IS IN BOGATA, TO CHECK COLUMBIAN
FIELDS.
THE NATIVES SMILE AND PASS ALONG A SAMPLE OF THEIR YIELD.”
GEDDY - “Just you and me then kid. Let’s fuck off”
What
can this strange device be?
After that it was down to the studio to record one of the classic
albums of the era. By the way it was me who did the keyboard bits
on 'Xanadu'. No bollocks, on the day
they were tying up the overdubs for that particular track Geddy
had gone for a shit about half past one and was still in there at
four o clock. Terry (Brown) was going fucking
mad cos he wanted the song wrapped up so they could get straight
on next day with laying the drum track down for 'Cygnus'
before Neil discovered where we had hidden his
drugs.
Anyway Terry had a line dancing class at half
past six and the whole thing looked like going tits up till I
explained that I had two years of piano lessons whilst inside on
a trumped up charge. I remember Terry saying
that the thing Geddy had written wasn’t up
to much and let the whole thing down so I rearranged it a bit,
which Terry said worked a lot better in the
context of the song and that is what you hear today.
Geddy by the way for the last three hours had
been screaming like fuck for toilet paper but of course the
studio was soundproof; good job otherwise 'Xanadu'
would have been shit.
Anyway, as promised, the truth behind Neil's
lyrics
Endlessly
rocking...
One of Geddy's masterstrokes was before each
album, spending a month kicking back in Switzerland. For the
uninitiated, Switzerland is probably the hardest country in the
world to get hold of drugs, which gave Neil an
entire month to get the lyrics sorted. It was during one of these
periods of clarity that Neil made a shocking
revelation about his writing.
Whilst out looking for mushrooms one morning (which we
didn’t bleedin' find) he told me that the actual lyrics to
‘Resist’ were as follows
"Eyecan le
urn to rizz-i-ist
"Any thin but tem tayshen
"I can learn to co-egg-cyst
"With any thin but pain
"I can learn to compri my eyes
"Any thin but mydizz eyers
"I can lernta ged a long
"With all the things eyecan tex play ane"
At first I thought: “That’s Neil
talking gibberish and having at laugh at our expense”. I
could actually picture the three of them having a giggle whilst
working on an impossible to play jazz-influenced middle eight in
35/7 time with Geddy playing bass, keyboards,
synth pedals, farting down a saxophone and triggering a sequence
by banging his testicles against an electronically modified
cheese grater suspended from his harmonica stand.
However the truth is much darker. Having acquired a Canadian
French phrasebook and a tourists' guide to Canadian slang, I can
now give an accurate glossary of terms used within the song:
Eyecan - trendy Canadian abbreviation of ‘eyecandy -
attractive man or woman’
Le Urn - Canadian French - tea dispenser
Rizz - Canadian slang - Rizla
Rizzist - Canadian slang - Anti-Rizla - hence a term
used to describe anyone against drugs
A 'Thin' - Canadian slang - A slender woman
Tem tayshen - Canadian French - Body odour
compri - Candian French - Cross
Mydizz - Canadian French slang - A woman’s
genitalia
lernta - Canadian French - Definitely
Ged a long - Canadian slang - Get an erection
Ane - Canadian slang - Anus
Despite the fact that Neil has used a clever combination of
English, Canadian French, Canadian slang and Canadian French
slang to try and throw us, it is clear to me that the true
transcript of the above song is as follows:
eyecan le urn to rizz i ist
attractive woman make some tea for I am anti drugs
any thin but tem tayshen
I’ll have any thin bird who doesn't have hygiene
issues
i can learn to co-egg-cyst
I can learn to balance two eggs on the lump on top of my
head
with any thin but pain
with any thin bird who isn't into sadism
i can learn to compri my eyes
I can learn to go bozz eyed
anythin but mydizz eyers
any thin non lesbian
I can lernta ged a long
I can definitely get an erection
with all the things eyecan tex play ane
with all the things associated with playing with the
bottom of an attractive cowboy.
I remember at first being shocked. Neil Peart? Cowboy arse erotica? No way. However, knowing Neil like I do it is quite understandable, a piss taking genius who spends the majority of the time totally fucked up, perfect sense.
That's
entertainment
On the subject of Neil being fucked up let me
tell you about an incident last year where he nearly got us into
a major scrape once again. Geddy had been asked
to co-present an award at the MTV thing. For you not involved in
showbiz this is the format. Producer gets a list of presenters
and pairs them off accordingly (e.g. handsome film star with
stunning black RnB diva - fat old actor with trendy rock chick
etc)
The only thing we can think happened was that the producer
didn’t know who the fuck Geddy Lee was,
gave ’Bastille Day’ a quick
spin, assumed he was a girl then paired him up with Snoop
Dog to present the award for the most artistic use of
the word ’fuck’ within a Gangsta Rap song. Geddy
was shitting himself I tell you. We were all allowed along but
warned to be on our best behaviour cos Snoop
probably had a fucking gun on him. Anyway as you all know Snoop
presented the award on his own, this is why, this is the
conversation from the dressing room
SNOOP - “Hi
there homies what gives”
GEDDY - “Hi Snoop, we are Rush, a Canadian progressive rock
band with a considerable following and several sub standard
tribute acts over in the UK. Even though we represent totally
different musical genres I truly admire your commitment to your
art and have total respect for what you have achieved within your
field so far”
SNOOP - “Thank you homie”
ALEX - “I like it when you talk funny and do that flicky
stuff with your arms”
SNOOP - “You a cool dude too man, what about you bro,
what’s on your mind”
NEIL - “CINDERELLA MAN, HANG ON TO YOUR PLAN - TRY AS THEY
MIGHT THEY CANNOT STEAL YOUR DREAMS”
SNOOP - “Cinderella man? I’ll bust yo ass
motherfucker”
GEDDY - “Come on let’s fuck off”
Next month, Hammered in Hammersmith, brawling with bouncers and a shit night in Shepherds Bush.
Marlow
You know this is all made up, right?
